Don’t Blame Them if They Want DEATH for Christmas
Once, I saw a tweet that said babies should be assigned a “Welcome to the Decline of Man” starter pack. The pack would include an iPod full of Adele’s songs, an info graphic about how anti-depressants work, and a lifetime supply of ibuprofen.
Since it’s just a starter pack, as they go through life, they can throw in whatever coping mechanisms they find along the way; like binge-watching FRIENDS for the 37th time.
But what if the only mechanism left to help you cope is death?
Welcome to the world of mental health and Medical Assistance in Dying (MAiD).
I Cannot ‘Come and’ Kill Myself. But the Doctors Can.
Suicide by stress is what most Nigerians will assure you they have no intention of doing, whenever something becomes unnecessarily troublesome.
But what if that ‘something’ is someone’s entire life?
No one has to look too far to find a sad story. Sometimes, all you need to do is check your account balance. But there are some stories that are so gut-wrenching, throat-twisting, mind-boggling that you wonder what you would do if a quarter of that stuff happened to you. Well, allow me to introduce you to treatment-resistant depression.
Imagine there’s a person, Ake. (S)he always has low energy levels. Each day, they wake up exhausted; it’s either they overslept or could hardly sleep. Basic self-care like brushing teeth or having a bath feels like asking a 40year old musician to solve for dx/dy.
But Ake drags through each day because they still have responsibilities to fulfill. There’s work, which only becomes more demanding with time. There’s family, managing expectations and relationships. There’s a mountain of bills that refuse to pay themselves and then dirty dishes breeding the next pandemic.
Enter a psychiatrist. A professional! They’ve seen this all before. Yep! This looks like severe depression. They know just what to prescribe and advise.
One small problem though; it doesn’t help.
Maybe it works for a while, but after years there is no significant improvement in quality of life. Ake is further diagnosed with treatment-resistant depression (TRD).
Among the US population alone, the collective cost of managing TRD over a 12-month period amounted to $43.8billion. That’s the GDP of Zimbabwe and Senegal combined. DO YOU KNOW HOW CRAZY THAT IS?!
For people like Ake, death starts to look like hope.
When was the last time someone sued a corpse for not completing payment? When was the last time a corpse even worried about anything at all? A permanent nap logically seems like the most peaceful thing in the world.
However, there’s one problem. The certainty of death has found a mistress in the uncertainty of timing.
Just because you wish for death doesn’t mean it comes. Or maybe…
How to Kick the Bucket: A Recent Guide
Medical Assistance in Dying (MAiD) is considered a “certain, painless and more socially acceptable” way of mic dropping your way out of this world. That last part about social acceptance applies mostly to America, Canada and some parts of Europe. Although, there are still many people who think its hypocritic for anyone who has taken the Hippocratic Oath to take a life.
Small digression! Although the original oath says “Nor shall any man’s entreaty prevail upon me to administer poison to anyone; neither will I counsel any man to do so”
The revised version says, “But it may also be within my power to take a life; this awesome responsibility must be faced with great humbleness and awareness of my own frailty.”
For some reason, I find this revision amusing. If you do too, see a psychiatrist.
Anyway, back to Ake! If Ake lives in any of the aforementioned locations, (s)he could perhaps request MAiD, which often involves a lethal dose of medication. Note: lethal not painful. This is considered more ‘humane’ than say drinking a pesticide and writhing to death.
It is what contemporary philosophy’s favourite mustache man — Nietzche — calls “dying proud”.
There are many arguments for and against MAiD. I leave you to discover them on your own. They’ve been raging! Especially now when Canada has become more liberal to those who have “grievous and irredeemable” medical conditions as in:
- have a serious illness, disease or disability (excluding a mental illness until March 17, 2023)
- be in an advanced state of decline that cannot be reversed
- experience unbearable physical or mental suffering from your illness, disease, disability or state of decline that cannot be relieved under conditions that you consider acceptable. (Govt of Canada, 2022)
Even so, not everyone who requests for MAiD will eventually get it. But don’t you think it’s sad how many people out there want to end it?
No Blame Game
I’ve heard people blame others who take their lives by implying they were weak or cowardly. Which is funny (I have dark humor, let me be!) because neither of these things can really push anyone to override the self-preservation instinct so strongly that they’d take their own lives.
Blame is a reactive way to look at suffering. You point fingers and then what? It’s still there, eyeballing us, even on Christmas Eve. People who are suffering are looking for resolution — perhaps by any means necessary — and what would directing blame at them, or systems do?
It’ll make them more hopeless. Because systems don’t change overnight, and no one benefits from hating themselves.
So, what do you do if you know someone who wants death for Christmas?
Well, you can try giving what treatment can’t provide — a positive sense of community. It’s hard to be there for people in concrete ways. It’s hard because life is hard on us all. But if you care about them, try. Ask them what they need. Heck! Even offer to do chores for them. That helps.
Of course, this doesn’t mean community is a magic wand that poofs depression away, but if there’s anything we can all learn from social science research is that humans need each other to an astonishing psychological degree. It’s like we’re supposed to belong to each other. Here’s a Ted Talk that summarizes how community helps depression.
And if you’re at the point in your life where you want to tap out? I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry life is beating you senseless. Please know that where there is life, there is hope. I know that sounds so cliche but it’s true.
Things can pass and you can still have a shot at joy, peace and fulfillment even when you’re surrounded by woe. Human nature is incredible enough to do this. However, if you pass away, you never get this life back. Plus, you never know what’s REALLY waiting for you the other side do ya?
The devil you know folks.
Yours in existential crisis,
Esohe
P.S: I do not like that moustache man.
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Meanwhile, if you’re depressed you may find this comforting.
