Would you like some hardcore noodles? They’re asking.
I think some writers deserve a high-five. In the face. With a chair.
Or at least, a power bank to the teeth.
Why? They sprinkle sexual innuendos into everything! And with all the discourse the Chrisland school girl scandal has engineered, I think it’s worth examining the things we now consider banal, like a simple ad for noodles.
For those who haven’t had the misfortune of knowing what the scandal is about, just know that Ten Year Olds made a hardcore porn video and uploaded it for their mates to enjoy.
New Jaw Just Dropped: Hardcore Noodles?
This advert for Dufil Food’s ‘family’ brand, Minimie, is very popular. The first time I saw it was during the commercial break of Nigerian family sitcom, The Johnsons, about three years ago. And guess whose jaw dropped when they saw it again on a billboard in Lagos? This girl!☝️
The first words in this ad are“How hot is she?”
The masculine pack of noodles ranks the girl in question as “maybe a seven”. But soon, a lady in dazzling red makes her way to them with the wind blowing through her hair extensions, our teenage mutant noodles declares her “veeeeeeery hot!” with a deepened raspy voice.
She is so hot, in fact, that he boils into a plate of noodles and begs “pick me, just pick me, come pick me baby, I mean I’m all ready for ya”
The lady picks him up and takes a bite out of him. His companion declares ‘so lucky!’ and they all laugh about it.
What is funny?
No tell me. WHAT IS FUNNY?
Am I the only one that recognizes the analogy here?
A family brand made an ad where a teenage mutant noodle bag heats up for a girl and gets lucky.
If I wanted to be graphic, I would help you draw a link between the heat a rush of blood can cause in certain private directions, and the heat that steamed the mutant noodles. But this is the season of Easter, and I’m trying to remain a changed woman.
Approved, Applied and Adult. Thanks to APCON!👍🏾
Remember when we talked about the Advertising Practitioners Council of Nigeria (APCON) reaction to Sterling Bank’s Easter graphic? Muahaha! I told y’all I’d be spilling more.
They slammed Sterling Bank so hard that Twitter was shaking with quote tweets. But they let this noodle ad slide because sexual objectification and innuendos in a family food brand is nothing to ruffle their judicious knickers over.
That’s why I concluded that they need to put some ice on their eye service.
This Minimie ad has been running for three years straight. And amusingly the first time I see it on a billboard is while reflecting on the Chrisland school girl scandal.
That scandal sent everyone into a flurry of finger pointing at the parents and school authorities. How could they allow something so debased happen under their watch? negLIgENcE!
However, one thing I know is the first ideas of sexual intercourse a child gets are sown very subtly. They hear or see something and they sense there’s something more, especially when what they hear accompanied by one of laughter (sitcoms anyone?)
Upon what evidence do I base this declaration? On the testimonies of young adults who grew up on channels like Nickelodeon and Disney. I see them on Instagram discussing the covert sprinklings they never understood until later in life when they’d experienced more overt depictions and then they had their Joey-moment. Like here: exhibit A
It’s the little things.
Enjoy your hardcore noodles. Courtesy of APCON.
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Ask APCON to ban this ad here: https://chng.it/Q6JdPZLrHh
If you missed me trolling APCON the first time, catch up here.
